Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
