someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
