OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
