Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
