He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
