I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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