you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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