and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
