kristin has been a bad kristin
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
