My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
