I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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