theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
