Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
