Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
