apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
