Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
