When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
