You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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