If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
