remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
