It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
