3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
