Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
