Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
