I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
