He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
