question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
