After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
