so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
