I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
