hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She is in my trunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
