I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This baby is an asshole
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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