How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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