Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
