What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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