I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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