Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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