U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The uberlube is also flammable
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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