You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
