I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How naked do you want me to be?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
