I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
