Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
