dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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