so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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