i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
