I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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