I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
