I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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