I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
