Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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