I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
