Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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