Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
