Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
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