I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My dick has a subreddit
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
